Wad u ppl saw today.. was a split personality of me..

Or is it? Gemini(s) have dual personalities.. and I showed the quiet side of me.. it isn’t tt I m no mood..

Sometimes when I m working I have no motivation.. wonder wads bothering me..

Today I overheard clarice complaining abt her bf.. hey.. dun think I m alwaz slping.. sometimes I m not slping.. the mind is awake.. the body is tired..

How ironic.. I dun mean to criticize her, but its like.. when u are on the verge on breaking off.. and she claims tt she loves him still.. but at his back she talks bad things abt him.. and looks at other cute guys.. hello.. aren’t you supposed to try and salvage this relationship if you really still love him?

Or maybe I know too little to be fit enough to say anything on this issue..

Changed the song of my blog.. with you all the time’s lyrics maybe was onli fit for those times when I was close with cherlyne.. all I wanted was to help her thru any difficulties tt she might face.. but she chose otherwise.. this song fits my feelings exactly..

The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognize this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time
Why am i still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Every time i ask if this would be the last
Why am i still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper
How do i get out of this I think i never will
A crystal forming in the eye Maybe this would be the last
The winding pathdown my face
Till i begin to taste the bitternessinside

As I press the ctrl+v on my keyboard I start to wonder whether I’ve posted this before.. if so.. I’m so sorry!!!!! (trying to be weeting while he isn’t around)..

Finally starting to feel stressed up by projects.. the FW homework is still not done yet.. its so difficult.. it requires RESEARCH! And how m I supposed to talk on how your handphone actually works?

Who cares..

Aniwae really appreciate those talks tt mummy gave me.. she isn’t those tt can really cheer you up.. no one can really cheer another up though.. lolx.. aniwae.. her words alwaz make me think.. its like how winz’ usually talks to me.. winz is more ‘formal’.. hahaha.. but mummy alwaz make me feel like she is really my mummy whom I can talk to on the topic LOVE. And her examples are alwaz G R E A T and set my mood to be broader..

Thx mummy!

Blo.OdY SpiLLeD BloOd on Tuesday 12.36am

Last nite went to the erm.. dunno wad wad build.. forgot le.. organized by Soka Gakai.. Friday Rendezvous was the event.. with vinz, vernz and two other gals.. total five of us.. actually me and vinz did go there cos of the event.. hahahaha! We had something better going on.. lolx..

Aniwae.. most of the events were singing, and sometimes its like somewhere, something had to go wrong.. I mean got one ‘male vocalist’ he couldn’t reach a certain part of a high pitch.. and told us he’d juz sing part of the song.. hello?! Come on lo.. if u cant, den chng another song to sing! U had time to prepare rite? Die die have to sing tt song mehx?

Den there’s another magic show.. which the tricks are so full of loopholes.. first was a trick tt we could onli see he ‘control’ a floating ball out of nowhere.. hello?! Who doesn’t know u used a string? Got sth more interesting? Next trick was something more interesting.. but he cocked up the show too.. he picked 5 ppl .. and asked them to draw a face and he match the drawings to the ppl.. vern and another gal within us were picked.. and the “MAGICIAN’ failed.. o.O wad I was interested in was the theory though.. wadever face u drew.. it looks like you.. interesting huh?

Blo.OdY spiLLed bLooD at 4.44pm Saturday

Last nite went to the erm.. dunno wad wad build.. forgot le.. organized by Soka Gakai.. Friday Rendezvous was the event.. with vinz, vernz and two other gals.. total five of us.. actually me and vinz did go there cos of the event.. hahahaha! We had something better going on.. lolx..

Aniwae.. most of the events were singing, and sometimes its like somewhere, something had to go wrong.. I mean got one ‘male vocalist’ he couldn’t reach a certain part of a high pitch.. and told us he’d juz sing part of the song.. hello?! Come on lo.. if u cant, den chng another song to sing! U had time to prepare rite? Die die have to sing tt song mehx?

Den there’s another magic show.. which the tricks are so full of loopholes.. first was a trick tt we could onli see he ‘control’ a floating ball out of nowhere.. hello?! Who doesn’t know u used a string? Got sth more interesting? Next trick was something more interesting.. but he cocked up the show too.. he picked 5 ppl .. and asked them to draw a face and he match the drawings to the ppl.. vern and another gal within us were picked.. and the “MAGICIAN’ failed.. o.O wad I was interested in was the theory though.. wadever face u drew.. it looks like you.. interesting huh?

Blo.OdY spiLLed bLooD at 4.44pm Saturday

juz in case u had no idea how swollen it was...  

i burnt my finger while pan frying crayfish today.. and oh! it hurts~! the stupid boiling oil burnt me.. look at the swollen part~! oooO~ 

suddenly, cher came and talk to me on msn.. chatting of life.. and the first few things she said was a hi.. and she asked me wad my msn pic was.. it was the skin tt vinz did for me aniwae..den she asked me how was life..

wonder izzit she was bored or sth.. but it juz made me surprised.. but a rather pleasant surprisett she would do so..

some time ago i asked her..
do you think u know me well?

i forgot.. cos tt was so long ago.. but she said she din.. well.. perhaps.. sometimes.. i juz wonder.. m i such a difficult person to understand? look at me in the simplest of looks.. and you'll find tt i'm the purest of emotions..

when i dun talk.. i NM

when i talk.. i m enjoying myself..

when i sulk, i dislike something..

is it tt hard?

Blo.OdY SpiLLeD BlooD on 9.18 Wednesday

Sometimes.. life juz get so empty.. work, work, work

Schoolwork
Homework
Work

And its so boring.. sitting there playing games alone.. hahaz.. aniwae I shldnt be complaining.. haha!

Its like a tooth forced in between my gums.. den it came off.. den nth grows back.. those who frequent my blog shld know wads going on.. haha..

__ __
__

shld look sth liddat.. hahaha!

But when the tooth came off.. it bleed.. it bleed so hard and fast.. tt it was super painful.. its almost numb.. but whenever u use your tongue to try to touch the space where the tooth was.. its onli hollowness and emptiness.. and whenever you try to take tt tooth and try to put it back in place.. it hurts.. cos the place where the tooth grew on has healed.. and the ‘root’ of the tooth cannot go in again..

And tts wad I’m feeling now.. get it? =) but now I can still taste blood…

Blo.OdY spiLLed blood on Wednesday 8.05am

Firstly, to thank gavin for helping set up the blog.. aniwae this blog skin is HIS creation totally.. I juz gave him the guy-n-gal pic and asked him to give me something plain.. and this is wad I got.. something really plain and tt suits my mood..

I dunno whether its coincidentally or wad.. but this has to be the perfect skin I’m looking for.. this guy can really read my mind if it isn’t coincidental! Lolx..

Life’s so empty..

Blo.OdY SpiLLed BlOOd at Sunday 10.38pm

Went really NM after ECM.. I dunno why.. I juz know sth is wrong.. I juz wan to go home.. I dunno why.. although I dunno whether it was impt.. but on my way home Cheryl called me and asked me whether I was free to work tonite (which was juz now).. well.. so work I went..

And I juz received some unhappiness voiced by my MMR team members.. and I hope everyone of them gets to read this.. as an encourager I shld do my part, shldnt i..

Aniwae.. wadever ppl wanna say.. let them say it.. yes.. they might say the thingy sux.. ya.. but its chosen by an ‘expert’, miss kwa.. ya.. to all those who might have said sth bad abt the final thingy.. IF THAT FINAL QUESTIONAIRE SUX, YOURS CERTAINLY SUX TO THE CORE!!! To my grp members.. I know its abit saddening.. but u know how much effort you ppl put in.. I din do a lot constructive work, but I know.. I know how much time u spent in, how impt u took the bloody thing.. those countless Tuesdays.. u remember those times spent half an hr on ONE QUESTION? How many bloody times you reconstructed the bloody survey u came up with? After u ppl finished first draft u redo it in the club hse.. after tt we sent for a pilot test and redo.. after tt we went winoa’s hse and redo it when doing the ppt.. and tt doesn’t count when I wasn’t there of the numerous times! HOW MANY PPL COULD HAVE BEEN AS FUSSY AS U PEEPS?!!?? Be confident of yourself, your mind, the teacher and most importantly, BE CONFIDENT OF YOUR SURVEY QUESTIONS!

Aniwae.. I din know wad the survey is like.. I din know wad exactly happened.. I din know how sucky it might have been..I din say the above mentioned thingy becos of the majority qns came from my grp.. even if I said the questionnaire sucked.. I know.. it’s the teacher’s opinion.. this shld have been the best.. even if majority came from others.. I’d have accepted it willingly..

Sigh..

Bo.OdY spilled blood on 11.19pm friday

din slp a wink last nite.. was hurrying out the FW thingys.. tiring.. and i tot i wrote my CA in such a manner that it looked like one of my blog entries.. haha! aniwae i dun think i m going to score, even though Ms hui is quite lenient with her marking.

slp on the bus juz now.. and woke up to find myself in clementi already.. and i tot i overshot.. but i din.. its such a sad thing when i can actually take the same bus for a year already yet cannot recognise the places..

Bo.OdY

Gone swimming juz now.. and I strained my neck.. I dunno why I alwaz use my neck a lot while exercising.. haha.. I strain it when sitting-up, pushing-up, basketball-ing.. IF there are such words..

Fixed my bloody bike and got a new chain.. onli around 1 mth old I guess.. and everything falls off.. it squeaks too.. someone ought to oil it..

1mth isn’t too long a time I guess.. counting the time I spent with cher.. its onli.. erm.. 2mths before she starts being cold? Haha.. wad can I say..

as I cycled towards NTUC to get my milo (oh I LOVE iced-milo), I felt bloody moody.. haha.. the last time I’ve been there its with cher to shop for pasta ba.. remember tt day she came my hse and I cooked some disgusting cream pasta? Haaa..

and remember when ivan came back from Bangkok.. he updated his blog and said sth like ‘it’s a matter of time before they become an item’ (I’m not too sure wad he wrote exactly).. nono.. I’m not trying to criticize anything ivan said.. juz tt.. see now and den.. very laugh-able ba? Haha..

and I start doubting my existence..

who would wan to go to hse of the guy tt she ‘likes’, sit down there, use the computer and dunno wad to do while the guy cooks some bloody disgusting pasta when he himself cant eat it..

who would wan to sit in a bus with a bloody fatty and let him tickle all over?

Who would wan to talk on the phone with someone who doesn’t talk much and falls asleep while she talks?

And I read her testimonial to another guy.. a fresh testimonial.. yet another miss ya.. your miss ya really so.. erm.. anyhow give out? Okok.. being crude its ‘cheap’..

Nono.. I really wanna give up.. but heart doesn’t allow it.. haa..

I gonna get killed by many tonite.. but wait..

Mummy, winz, pz,.. how u feel if ur boyfriends don’t care abt u anymore w/o a reason?

To: the rest – how abt someone who is concerned for u.. and suddenly hecks u for an unknown reason..

Dun start scolding me.. think abt wad I’m going thru.. and think abt how u feel before reading the next line.. and maybe u’ll see my point.. =)

P.S. I feel so defeated.. juz like u are playing warcraft3 and u are dominating.. and for no reason the computer tells u ‘u lost’

Endless Road

The truth is tearing up my heart I can't recognize this place The endless road without a stop sign Can't even find a stranger this time Why am i still holding back my tears In this loneliness there's nothing to fear Every chord still seems a wonder How we could be together Every time i ask if this would be the last Why am i still talking to myself Hoping you will have the keys to my cell Every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper How do i get out of this I think i never will A crystal forming in the eye Maybe this would be the last The winding pathdown my face Till i begin to taste the bitternessinside

And after so long.. this bloody thing comes back to bother me again.. I really miss cherlyne..

Remember there’s this e-mail comic sometime ago? Tt says sth like this gal and guy very loving.. den after marriage quarrelling became a form of communication.. they divorced.. and the gal died soon after the accident…

And before they even got married the ger asked the guy.. who m I to u? the guy replied sth like the girl being a bone in the ribs.. no one can live without tt bone in the body..

After the girl died.. the guy felt very lonely.. he finally realized tt the gal actually was tt bone truly.. he couldn’t live w/o her.. it hurts in his chest everytime he thinks of tt girl..

Its happening to me.. it hurts..

Cherlyne are u listening to this……?

After the OM test I went straight home.. games and more games.. and before tt me vern vinz and ivan were at the bottom of the slope near the School of Business. And this particular van was coming towards us at.. uhm.. I guess 30-40 kmph? I dunno.. aniwae it was coming towards us at a certain speed.. I tot it gonna turn into the carpark next to the technical block..

AND THIS BLOODY VAN MADE A BLOODY U-TURN RIGHT IN FRONT OF US AT THAT BLOODY SPEED W/O GIVING A BLOODY WARNING..

I dunno why.. but I feel so furious.. I immediately gave the van a double middle finger! Either he saw or did not see it either way was fine for me..

Cos someone need to tell this bloody driver not to do such a dangerous act again!

He saw it aniwae.. lowered the window, poked his bloody stump head which muz have been as small as his balls, out of the car window and pointed his middle finger (which I guess is as short as thin as his dick) at me and shouted something which muz be a bad word..

And I replied sth like ‘this is your 1st day of driving arh? Drive until liddat..’

Aniwae I forgot wad he said but he gave a last middle finger and returned his head into the car..

It’s a pity tt he din knock his head against a tree or sth when he poked it out..

Aniwae.. hope he dies soon in a car accident.. such ppl don’t deserve to drive..

Believe in destiny?

Some ppl does, some don’t.. well I believe it to a certain extent ( sounds like social studies? Haha).. its like.. some things are made to be in this way.. we’re fated to meet ppl.. although we can choose either to know them or not, we end up making a decision – tts your fate!

No matter wad u do, its still fate.. some ppl say ‘I dun believe in fate.. hard work can make me go higher in society’, and they get super rich and blah blah blah.. and hello.. tts your fate as well I guess.. haha.. your fate to do work hard and do well..

My word – work hard.. and believe in your fate..

And for those ppl taking OM tml.. STOP READING THIS BLOODY BORING BLOGSPOT AND START STUDYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When life seems to be so miserable and nth is right.. u juz wanna die..

Juz think.. when your bike’s pedal came off and cannot be screwed back again.. and you haven studied for a super difficult test this coming Saturday and u haven studied.. all u have is a Friday nite and its possible u spend ur time playing away.. and ur frens are so screwed.. like jr and winz feeling so screwed by their project.. and ppl headach-ing over love matters like vinz.. and oh I forgot I still got a video editing to do..

Remember an e-mail tt says – u might not marry the one u love most.. how ironic.. imagine.. the person tt ur mother loved most isn’t ur father.. yet they have a family.. its like so stupid.. haha.. finding someone tt u can live happily with and respect to settle down and get a family going.. imagine vinz anyhow find a gal, say clarice (it juz came to my mind.. hhahaa!) and marry and have kids.. how ironic when vinz doesn’t love clarice but they could get along well.. how silly..

And to think tt ppl couldn’t get along cos of funny reasons.. life juz gets ppl.

Why live?

Argh.. I dun wanna cont my blog.. I wanna slp..

was complaining to cheryl tt life was boring.. ya.. the gal in the photo tt i posted..

its like.. work, sleep, work, sleep.. and occasionally u get a play a little while.. why do humans survive though? and why do they wan to survive? juz ppl have pleasure having sex, or they wanna construct a family, or carry on family line, or have the pleasure of having a kid, tt the human kind survives..

and oh before i forget.. to gavin.. ppl wans me to chng the blog skin.. hahhaa! how am i supposesd to do it when i cant even send my background online.... hahaha~ GAVVVVVIIIINNNNN!!!

aniwae.. ppl who complain tt getting into a relationship is a tiring affair.. well.. ask them think again.. its actually tt they appreciates, thats why they complain.. try living for 18 years alone (not counting family la of cos).. and u'll find tt life is actually very void..

how i love those days when i had mummy and cherlyne with me all the time.. haha..

ya.. those holidays when O' levels released.. and den i going to poly.. and i got 'sacked' from my fren's workplace.. and mummy din work anymore at the erm.. 'mei wu'.. so life's like a routine.. 9.30am wake up
10 - 11am online
11am - 12 pm RUROUNI KENSHIN! hahhaha~
12 - 1 pm lunch and talk at the same time
1 - 7 pm different days different activities (sometimes we'd talk all the way)
7pm - 1am - sending of RUROUNI KENSHIN AVI
sleep~ hahhahaa.. mummy.. u miss those days? hahahhaa~ ^_^

coming to cherlyne.. maybe i miss her more? or izzit tt she is more recent.. tts why i'm not used?

the timeline isnt tt fixed.. cos we both were working in the holidays.. but lets say we both are working from 12-10 (for her its 12-9.30)

morning wake up.. when she wakes up she'll 'report'

'hi.. how are you?'

den meet at orchard or somerset at 11am ++ (she's alwaz late!)
eat breakfast..

12-9.30 work!!!!!!!!

9.30pm i'd make some funny excuses and get away from workplace.. hahaha~ but aniwae they know wads going on.. so they din stop me..

send her home.. tt'll be till 11pm++ tt i reach home.. without dinner! hahaha.. super hungry.. 11++pm online.. chat till 1+am..

'u wan talk on the phone?'

tt'd be till around erm.. usually 4-6am tt time.. slp..

it gets like a routine u know.. haha.. ever been to camps? u'll know why.. sometimes when u return from a 3 day 2 nite camp u'll find tt 'eh? i feel so lost.. wad do i wan to do?'

because the routine tt u do in your 3 day camp is lost.. u dun have to do them anymore.. u feel so lost..

and godness.. this is weird.. hahaha~  

Charlie and his Angels~ 

nina and nity's turn.. juz tt the lights behind was a bother..  

den we went to a quiet spot and took some weird photos.. hahah~ more to come but at hsueh qing's digicam.. this is clarice.. i suppose she is some kinda model doin a advertisement.. haha.. 

hahahahhahahahhah! wad can i say!!!! hahahahhahhahahhhhah! 

finally me.. i din know i'd look weird.. lolx..  

this was taken in coffee bean at west mall.. where my grp was taking pics and going havoc there.. haha~ picture of clarice taking photo. =p 

the black-n-white.. hey.. not racist.. i referring to their clothes.. hahah! 

relax-n-take-photo version 3 

relax-n-take-photo version 2 

relax-n-take-photo version1 

partner! who r u smiling at? *jealous* 

and this was in the SB club hse.. doin our final preps for the presentation coming right on.. haha.. anyone felt they did great for MMR presentation? hahahaa 

digress abit.. this is cheryl.. my colleague.. aniwae is the spelling correct? lolx.. pretty rite? haha.. abit fat onli though.. =p this is a picture of her when she was eating away in the L'emozione Grill Bar.. hahaha!  

obviously irritated by MMR ppt.. lolx 

eh.. arent u supposed to be concentrating.. how come taking photo.. haha.. aniwae this is taken in winz room.. and oh shit.. i forgot to take down my affection for her mattress.. =pPpPp 

and hello aunty.. pls stop disturbing us during MMR grp project discussions! =pPpP but i have to admit she is very 'on'.. all kind of funny poses..  

winz.. bz with MMR 

this is nity.. our erm.. scheduler for the MMR and CB project.. hahha.. hsueh qing the 'recorder' (wad did u say u were?) went for the 5566 concert.. and poor nity.. the scheduler had to take over her job. haha 

tts my new bike.. haha.. the one in red.. the other day when i rode it the stupid pedal came right off! lolx.. so i had to use 'freestyle' for around 200m to repair it.. at 4am! lolx..  

the photo i promised vinz.. hi vinz.. u wanna take again? looks blur.. hahaa 

And I quarreled with cherlyne last nite.. cos of something..

‘are u working?’

‘ya why?’

‘when you working again?’

‘mon and wed, why?’

‘wad time are u working?’

‘can u answer me first why u ask?

And she said its out of curiosity.. we had a quarrel.. cos I’ve been hurt for the past three weeks.. I wanted to settle everything once and for all..

And today.. she came to work.. I.. I..

Kill me..

And I quarreled with cherlyne last nite.. cos of something..

‘are u working?’

‘ya why?’

‘when you working again?’

‘mon and wed, why?’

‘wad time are u working?’

‘can u answer me first why u ask?

And she said its out of curiosity.. we had a quarrel.. cos I’ve been hurt for the past three weeks.. I wanted to settle everything once and for all..

And today.. she came to work.. I.. I..

Kill me..

Its almost 4 am in the morning.. came back not too long ago from a cycle with jinrui.. went jalan kayu and ate roti prata.. jr is the the mattress.. already asleep.. haha.. the cycling uphill really took a lot out of us.. shagged…

Vinz said his story.. I guess I had better say mine too bahz.. haha.. see whether u ppl think its similar anot..

Back in march.. I met cher.. cher was workin opposite my pasta bar.. at ROMANKAN.. I tot I took a liking to her then.. but its like.. hmm.. how m I going to get my chance? Haha.. ppl so pretty.. sure got lots of bf ba..

Aniwae comes along frenster in late april when we were having our exams.. den I knew cher from frenster.. got her msn, hp, hse no. consecutively.. I took the initiative and contacted her for the funniest reasons.. haha.. was at this point of time vern gone stead le. Haha..

Ya.. den started to become closer.. after exams.. we’d talk at night.. sms.. talk.. sms.. after work I’d send her home sometimes.. but I alwaz had this idea – she’s so pretty.. so many ppl woo.. I guess I sure no chance ba.. (doesn’t it sound like vinz’s erm.. boomer coming back?)

Until the time.. she read my blog.. and she was very angry with me.. cos I said she looked like a gorilla.. remember? Hahaha~ well.. aniwae.. managed to get her to simmer down.. and become frens again.. (doesn’t it sound like the upset vinz had?)

And remember vinz’s 1-day-gf? Ya.. aniwae.. I made cher agree to be my 1-day-gf too.. haha~ although she din really agree.. she knew I was joking.. aniwae.. tt was one of the happiest day in my life ba.. spending the whole day with her.. but tt was her last day of the holidays..

Little knowing.. tt would mean one of the last few days of happiness ba.

First week of sch.. cher alwaz messaged me during classroom time.. I cant remember those things she said already.. i juz cant forget her single sms – miss ya so… and remember she came all the way to amk to send me to work? Sigh..

Ya.. and tt got less and less.. and she was busy.. and she din sms me.. her net was down..

Until finally.. I couldn’t stand it… she messaged me tt TCS called her to take part in a serial or something.. I din wanna reply.. cos I tot I could let her think tt its I have feelings too.. I wanted to show I’m not those kind tt can stand ‘u happy den msg me, dun happy dun msg me’

And had many things after tt.. she claimed she was studying.. she couldn’t receive sms.. tts why she din really talk to me tt much.. all she did was ‘ya’ and such…

‘how are u?’

‘okok lo.. studying’

‘u wanna catch I Robot together?’

‘don wan.. dunno wad show is tt’

and it isn’t juz all tt.. this happened.. and still happens.. seriously I’d kill myself.. to know the answer why.. why are have u become so dao?

Isn’t my situation like vinz’s? vinz at least still can sms with her ba..

I know.. I m crappy in class.. I do a lot of weird stuff.. but if u looked into my eyes very carefully.. there’s a sense of loneliness since cher has left..

everytime I ask her why izzit like that she alwaz say she is busy.. and treats all ppl this way.. and until very juz now.. the way she talked to me.. I could feel.. I was no longer the jiayong she knew.. she was no longer the cherlyne I knew from ROM..

at least vinz is now better than me bahz..

u know.. its hard… someone u lent a lot of money to.. someone u spend a lot of time, money and effort on.. someone whom u cherish.. someone whom u really loved.. left like this.. not telling u wads going on.. juz left u like this.. where was the cherlyne 3 months ago? Return her..

no one knows how to treasure happiness before he experiences sorrow..

ya.. tts a nice one.. i experienced sorrow.. now i juz wan u back more than anything.. sigh.. nvm..

shopping for a pair of shoes but failed.. but i guess i would find it on ebay.. but seems funny.. finding shoes on ebay? lolx.. how u know they'd fit? i mean my shoe size is around 10.5 and 11.. sometimes 10.5 cant fit.. lolx..

was all alone.. feeling lonely.. sometimes i really wished i had someone to talk to.. someone i have pleasure talking to.. and someone who wants to talk to me of cos.. lolx..

and oh.. remember the song fuck it? i posted the lyrics here in my blog.. omg.. courtesy of siang yew again.. the guy made the song.. and his ex girlfriend made up her own lyrics using the same tune too! hahaha! how lame..

but it juz makes me think.. wad if she was thinking the way the ex-girlfriend was thinking too? is there something tt i've done wrong?

11.02pm WED

today was a super fun day.. LSC was funny.. but actually come think of it.. dun u think it wasn’t tt funny after all? Lolx.. juz tt the faces juz wanna make u luff.. lolx!

Some ppl tot they might have screwed things up.. but actually they din.. sometimes dun get too high expectations of yourself..

Ask yourself.. do u remember any FIVE steps used for SPSS? Hahaz.. ya.. say.. sometimes things u learn.. u are harsh on yourself.. ok.. I got a 80+ for SPSS last time I think.. but come back to now.. wad can I really remember? Hahahah! In the working world now.. think experience and your personality really counts a lot ba..

Lets take for example.. MR. A.. he has been working with the pasta bar for years.. and I doubt he has got a pay rise.. cos he very chao geng.. uhm.. means abit.. erm.. ‘the less work the better’..

And a chef.. he has got the experience in hotels and blah blah blah.. when he worked as a part timer here his pay was 6 per hour.. now he returned to full timer.. I guess his pay is super high.. juz look.. his cert was wad? Shatech? Did I spell it correctly? Dunno how many ppl owned tt cert, but came in with a pay of 5 per hour..

Gone out to study with the 2 Bryans.. one is really Bryan and the other one is a self-claimed bryan.. hahaha! Aniwae.. the self-claimed one is my bf who-lives-near-me..

They studied while I read LOTR – the two towers.. suddenly make me remember the movie trip with weesan.. haha! Digress.. wonder how is her already.. hahaz.. bloody hell.. I hate school.. why muz I alwaz lose someone to sch.. hahaz..

I took up reading.. cos I dun wanna remember.. hey it really helps! Hahahz! If u wanna forget something… take a book and read..

Aniwae.. coming back.. bought a new red bike for $82.. juz a normal bike.. nth special.. ya.. $10 for the two ‘steppers’ for bf to step on, so tt he doesn’t need a bike when we go out.. I do the work.. since I m too fat to let him carry.. hahahah! $17.90 for a lock.. sounds expensive.. but it’s the kind that its very hard to actually cut it with a erm.. BIG SCISSORS? Dunno how to say.. total $100 ++ ..

And the guy tried to ask me to buy a bell.. kaoz.. see the bell makes me wanna puke.. lolx.. looks so childish! Aniwae the bike looked childish too. Hahah!

And he stepped on the steppers and I sent him home.. and I wobbled! Hahahz.. cos I have not been riding a bike for dunno how many MONTHS already.. ahahz! Think he hurt his arms as I turned around he corner.. he hit his arm on a wall.. hahaha!

Endless Agony

11.20 pm WED

love this song courtesy of siang yew.. made me realise how many frens really cared for me when i needed help..

Whoa oh oh Ooh hooh No No No See i dont, know why, i liked you so much I gave you all, of my trust I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain Ya put me through pain, i wanna let u know that i feel Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now Fuck the presents might as well throw em out Fuck all those kisses, it didnt mean jack Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now Fuck the presents might as well throw em out Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back You thought, you could Keep this shit from me, yeah Ya burnt bitch, i heard the story Ya played me, ya even gave him head Now ya askin for me back Ya just another hag, look elsewhere Cuz ya done with me Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now Fuck the presents might as well throw em out Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now Fuck the presents might as well throw em out Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah Ya questioned, did i care You could ask anyone, i even said Ya were my great one Now its, over, but i truly mean im sad It hurt real bad, i cant sweat that, cuz i loved a hoe Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now Fuck the presents might as well throw em out Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah Oh oh Oh oh Uh hun yeah [Until the end]

Hey Cherlyne! FUCK IT!
(sounds a little overboard.. but u deserve it.. )

12.38am Wednesday

din report for sch ydae(Tuesday).. too tired.. played CS until 4+.. woke up at 8plus.. could come.. but I simply dun wan to.. hahaz..

but in the end still have to go.. cos of project meeting..

and the secondary sch kids participating in sp experience playing treasure hunt keep asking us questions.. sad to say.. I dunno.. hahaz..

juz now I go to cherlyne’s friendster.. ehx.. not accidentally go cross.. is I go find.. bastard me.. hahaz..

aniwae today had a new name.. Edmund.. both of them said: had fun talking to u..

okok.. I m not jealous.. juz tt.. hmm.. in the first place.. u could talk online with him.. but din give a bloody hell to me.. its like.. where do I stand exactly..

U MAKE ME FEEL SO USED!

Ya.. ppl out there wanna kill me le.. hahaz.. ya.. thx for so many ppl’s concern.. sigh.. but look.. u aren’t me.. u wouldn’t understand..

Mummy and winz.. both with boyfriends and ‘living happily ever after’

Vinz: least she’s still talking to u isn’t it.. wad if one day she doesn’t wanna give u a damn? U wouldn’t understand..

Lots of crap jy.. seriously I think I need a long break.. sigh.. kill me someone? Feel like being killed..

If only forgetting was tt easy as forgetting to bring books..
If only happiness wasn’t u..
If only..

12.56am Tuesday

she shi san shi wu du / wo bu zai hui gu / xiang ni zai ta huai li
its 35 degrees / i shldnt be thinking / thinking of u in his arms

yi gai xing fu / wo gai zhu fu /
shld be very happy / i shld be wishing u e best

leng de wo xiang ku / bu neng ku
so cold tt i wanna cry / but i cant

sha dao she me cheng du / wo xing li you shu
being silly to wad extent / i know very well

zui hou yi kou pi jiu wu suo wei / suan huo ku
the last swig of the beer doesnt matter / sour or bitter

neng xiao zhe song ni zou / jiu man zhu / hen man zhu
being able to send u / i'll be satisfied / very satisfied

kan zhe tian shang wu yun / man man
look at the clouds / so full of them

pai shang dao hai / zhe xia ji di yi chang yu / ying mian er lai
coming at all once / this summer's 1st rain / is coming

dang jie ju bu neng gai / wo you he bi duo kai
when the ending cannot be chnged / why should i avoid

mei she me zhi de da jing xiao guai / jiu ling de tong kuai
shouldnt be tt shocked / just soak in the rain

ting feng / xiu xiu xiu/ chao xiao wo de ai
listen to the wind / xiu xiu xiu/ luffing at my love

jiu xiang gan qing de bei tai / zhi zai pang bian he cai
like the spare tyre / cheering for them at the side

ni bei wen why why why / wo yi zhi dou zai
stop asking me why / why i m here all the time

ni you hen hao de wei lai / zai tong wo ya shuo all right
there's bright future for u / i'd say all right even its painful

dang feng xiu xiu xiu / song zou wo de ai
when the wind xiu xiu xiu / sending away my love

jie bian lu deng yi zhen pai
the whole row of the roadside's lamps

di zhe tou wei sui mo ai
who are they bend their heads and sighing for

shi tian zai cry cry cry / wo de xiao hai zai
its the sky crying / wo smile is still there

you tian ta bu neng yi lai / ni huai nian wo wai tao kou dai
one day he cant be relied / n u miss my jacket's pocket

gao su wo / wo sui shi / stand by
tell me / i'll be alwaz ready to / stand by

2.20am Tuesday

I’m so drunk.. hahhahaha! Or m i? lolx..

Ya.. bloody hell.. fucking jy.. onli know how to come to his blog and act pathetic.. hahahah!

Wads a thousand dollars?! Hahahhaha! If a thousand dollars could bring u back.. I’d spend millions..

Shut up.. dun wanna listen to ur bloody excuses..

Bloody hell.. juz look at my pathetic look! Wahahhahahah!

2.23am Tuesday

10.55pm Mon

one man show at the grill bar again.. its tiring.. its shagging me out.. im shagged..

the stupid bloody bosses from hell are cutting manpower again. 7 ppl for a weekday, except Fridays. Look.. 1 man grill bar, 2 chefs, 1 cashier, tt leaves us with 3 waiters. On one particular day u might get a bad ass waiter who onli knows how to talk big and wash the plates.. tt leaves with 2 man.. if u are busy.. hohoho! Tts the end.. say good bye and die! Lolx..

im physically tired.. mentally too..

blogging becomes some kind of complaining when u have no one to talk to.. when u mean nothing to everyone.. when u’re so sick and tired and there’s no helping hand to pull u up..

one day I might juz die.. hahaz.. maybe tml? Lolx.. slp and nvr wake up.. I dun wan to wake up.. hahahaz.. life is miserable and meaningless.. haha! Slp, sch, work, hwk, slp.. this becomes a routine and u can juz die doing such things..

happiness is when u not know everything.. u luff at the simplest of jokes and fight for the simplest of reasons.. and cry for the simplest of things..

not now..

my bosses are cutting each other’s throat over monetary matters..

ppl getting so headache-d abt exams..

headaches over gals..

fucking presentations

how I wish I was reduced to a baby.. or maybe some knocking of my head and getting into a coma.. den I get selective memory loss.. losing all those sad times..

I juz wanna remember.. how me and mummy spent times on irc chatting away for months even though its juz kenshin..

Supper with jr.. chomp chomp with pz and jr..

Those holidays with NPCC ppl.. play cs..

Talking with weesan over the phone though its boring..

And some other happy times.. noticed I din say anything abt cher? Hahaz.. and I promised winz to forget her..

There’s such quote from lingzhi (not the mushroom.. is the 9.33 DJ).. its like.. u actually dun like her anymore.. juz tt u juz dun wan to lose..

And I lost.. and how I lost I din knew it either..

How can u be so cold to someone.. when tt person..
Buys u stuff
Lent u $1k for ur sch fees..
Treats u to movies and meals..
Concerns for u..
and your computer..

can u? I juz don’t understand.. wad or where went wrong?

And u start disbelieving everything.. tell me.. who would believe these..

5 sms-es sent to 2 lines.. and she could claim tt she din receive..
cant call to both lines.. cos both lines sometimes a lot probs..
replies are like ‘ya’, ‘ok lo’ and tells u tt.. I m busy studying..
and things like.. I dunno wad show Is ‘I robot’.. to reject ur invitation to a show..
say tt ‘u are someone important, close and friendly’ and important means not replying to msn msgs and offline without a word?

would u believe? No.. not me..

Winz.. feel like killing me? Hahaz..

11.37pm Monday

Nina! wad are u doin here? lolx..  

who the toot~ took my photo?!