Love Actually..
Warning do not read if you can't stand mushy stuff or those love talk thingy

Haha its Vinz here.. yes i got access to JY's blog... yeah suddenly like got alot of things to say... i was tagging my thoughts then suddenly i think might as well post lah.. or else the tagboard filled with my crap.. Here goes anyway..


Beep.. your hp rings... New message - you get excited.. hoping its an sms from her..

When she says words like "i miss you" you smile to yourself.. it has made your day..

If she didnt contact you for maybe say a day..(depends on the person actually) your fingers get itchy... like you cant control yourself you just HAVE to sms her or something..

When she's upset.. the 1st thing you think of is the cause... And more than often you suspect the person to be none other than yourself.. You call/sms her, apologizing.. even when its not really your fault.. You heart gets "shivery" (some will understand what i mean... its undescribable feeling) you're worried tt she will not 4give you..

Everytime you sleep at night or anytime when you're alone just drifting into space... Your 1st thought is her.. You reminisce about the past.. Sometimes you miss the person so much it hurts..

Physical contact.. (holding hands,hugs or whatever)is more than just that... when she holds your hand.. or lies on your shoulder... you feel important.. that she needs you.. actually i wont really go into detail about this part cuz it might get too er.. ya know... haha.

Lastly.. the person you love the most will often be the one that hurts you the most... sigh..

Alright, alot more to say but i'll end here... Nightie folks!
*Je pense à vous* -Vinz

Meaning
hmm.. nth better to do now.. might as well chip in a little crap.. hahaz.. wad is love?

A) Is it looking forward to be with someone?

B) Is it waiting for someone's sms, and anxious tt its not here yet?

C) Is it the happiness felt, when someone said he/she misses you?

D) Is it the missing of someone's voice before you slp?

E) Is it tingling sensation, when someone slips his/her hand into yours?

F) Or is it an unexplainable word, juz plainly i love you?

My answer? hahaz..
mine is G) all of the above~ ^_^

Morning
another boring morning.. till the late aftern..

Pasta?
met cher in the late afternn.. den go NTUC to buy pasta things.. cook a cream pasta for us both... but yucks.. its like eating full cream pasta~ i mean the cream is so diff from l'emozione.. imagine eating a mouthful of full cream and pasta.. o.O but cher said she liked it~ well~ nth to say.. hahaz.. she LOVES cream.. hahaz..

Carine?!
ok~ here comes carine after a mth.. today while i juz walked out of the staff canteen at takashimaya.. i was stopped by a group of ppl.. 3 guys i guess.. and carine herself and her sis i guess.. i din really see them one by one..
a guy asked me, 'are u carine's fren?'
'yes'
and oh shit.. i shld have said 'no', pure classmates~

Wrong
'is there something tt u dun like abt carine?'
tt guy asked politely.. and i'm feeling guilty cos i answered in a rude manner.. but tts the whole idea~ imagine u were going to forget the whole incident.. and eat your words and going to be nice when sch reopens.. and now wad? a week before sch reopens she gets a few guys to 'confront' me.. wad i guess was she happened to be shopping at B2 of taka with her gang of frens who knew wad happened btw me and her.. happened to see me going into the canteen.. and waited there for me to come out.. but i dun think she's 'repenting', so i guess tts a negative 'confrontation' for me..

Mess
i was already quite taken off my feet when i saw them.. my mind was in a mess.. i wasnt tt prepared..
'sorry im working now, not now'
'oh come on, it isnt going to take u alot of time'
'ok'
'is there something u dun like abt carine'
'yes'
'so wads tt u dun like abt her'
'nothing' wad an answer from me.. hahaz.. yes and nothing.. lolx!
'juz now u said yes and now nothing?'
'ok, i m sick of her personality. tt shld be it'
i walked away..

Menu
and later they came to look at the menu.. and walked away soon.. lucky they din eat.. or else i give them 10%... nono.. not the usual 10% discount for anyone i know.. its 10% service charge.. i told karen and cher.. both said they are mad.. hahahhaa~

Morning
morning was absolutely boring with nothing to do.. ZzZz

4pm
it wasnt until around 4pm tt i met cher at toa payoh.. watch day after tml.. funny rite.. going to end le den watch.. ahhaz.. den play arcade.. den later eat.. den go home le.. quite fun la.. though at times she was abit mad.. ya.. but she's stressed ba.. cant blame her too..

Feelings
had nth better to do.. so go and see someone's blog.. i mean vernon's.. er erhm.. blog.. ya.. well.. some things i dun really understand bahz.. maybe this entry might be hurting to vern.. but i tot.. juz say say doesnt really matter ba huh..
Actually
in the 1st place i dun really think it might last for very long bahz.. everything seemed too fast le.. i guess her feelings was quite true.. but they din really know each other well bahz.. even vern was still pondering who to choose bahz.. rite vern?
But
but maybe me even more shi bai mahz.. btw us 3.. hahaz.. vern did it.. vinz did it.. (not tt thing huh pls..) me.. hahahaz~ i din know wooing ppl could be so hard.. how did u peeps do it.. hahaz.. i know.. u ppl will be coming to tell me.. 'ur time isnt up yet', 'u are a good boy', 'those who doesnt want u is blind'.. well~ hahaz.. if i m to fail this time.. i m going to declare gay and be wooed by other gays.. haha~ the female gay.. hahaz.. hey i m serious.. i m considering.. hahaz.. wo yi jing hen lei le.. hen lei hen lei..

Day Time Module Room Lecturer Week
Mon 09:00-10:00 BA0220 =OM (L) MLT8 SK Sem1
Mon 10:00-11:00 BA0223 =MMR (L) MLT8 KLP Sem1
Mon 12:00-14:00 BA0223 =MMR (T) T2259 KLP Sem1
Mon 14:00-16:00 BA0076 =CB (L) MLT8 WSM Sem1
Tue 10:00-12:00 BA0219 =DMA (P) T1913 LAK Sem1
Wed 10:00-12:00 BA0221 =LSC (T) T19340 PMP Sem1
Wed 13:00-15:00 BA0219 =DMA (P) T1913 LAK Sem1
Thu 09:00-12:00 BA0237 =FW (P) T2259 HKL Sem1
Thu 14:00-16:00 BA0220 =OM (T) T19337 SK Sem1
Fri 09:00-10:00 BA0167 =ECM (L) MLT8 CKS Sem1
Fri 10:00-12:00 BA0167 =ECM (P) T2243 CKS Sem1
Fri 13:00-15:00 BA0076 =CB (T) T2262 JO Sem1
Fri 15:00-16:00 BA0221 =LSC (L) MLT8 PMP Sem1
Fri 16:00-17:00 BA0223 =MMR (L) MLT11 KLP Sem1

hahaz.. the timetable is out.. hmm.. everyday either is 9 or 10 am go sch.. hahaz.. i dun think i will quite like this sem.. hahaz.. except for the tuesday lesson.. quite tempted to pon! hahaz.. and the stupid hui kam lin taking us for stupid feature writing on stupid thurs with a stupid 2 hrs break btw the 2 stupid lessons.. so may wanna pon thurs too.. hahahz.. but still wanna mantain the 75%.. sianz.. and if u notice.. this sem alot of lectures.. hahaz.. and is like 2 lectures stuck together.. lol! can slp! hahahz..

Tiring
things seems so tiring for me lately.. and tt vinz oso too.. hahaz.. how i wish i was born a gal.. being woo-ed and wooing is certainly a diff experience ba.. u gals out there.. hahaz.. easy time huh.. hahaz.. esp those ppl who have many ppl wan one.. like mummy la etc.. hahaz.. zui ren ye shi yi zhong hen lei de shi..

Touch
today.. was somewhat touched.. wad if someone missed u badly? wad if someone wanted to see u so badly tt he/she could take a cab down to ur hse juz to see u.. and den to send u off to work.....

Risks
risks are somewhat involved greatly in life.. and one would need to take risks almost everyday.. but remember.. chances doesnt knock twice.. ppl doesnt wait forever..lastly.. treasure everything~

Vinz and Vernz
ton 1 nite at vinz hse with vin and vern.. very fun.. met at bugis.. play lan.. den go vin hse.. play ps2.. eat, ps2, poker.. den at late nite go out to eat supper.. at the you tiao da wang.. hahaz.. quite famous.. but i din knew it was near his house.. hahaz.. den bathe.. play a little stupid poker game.. den slp.. and omg.. his bed is super nice to slp.. hahaz.. cos super soft.. and got air-con.. no window.. makes u wonder wad time izzit.. hahaz.. slp le dun wan to get up.. haha! agree with me vern? oops.. sorry.. i forgot u slp with vinz.. diff bed.. sry! =p

Cher
cher came my hse after i gone home from vinz hse.. use the computer.. den later send her home.. tts it.. a super-fun-2-day! hahaz..

Bugis
today gone with cher to bugis to get her schooling items before she go to sch tml.. well.. aniwae.. den gone bedok and watch around the world in 80 days.. quite nice.. 4 stars.. but i din know i starred karen mok and jack chan. hahaz~

1-day-girlfriend
my 1-day-girlfriend.. hahaz..

Growing
ppl do grow.. me too.. hahaz.. well.. i mean in terms of tt love's concept bahz.. i dunno abt others.. but i seem to have grown alot.. hahaz.. from sec 1 to now.. wo hai shi zai cheng zhang.. everyone muz grow too.. but some of them.. have actually stopped growing.. cos of their fears.. it tripped them.. making them unable to go forward.. well aniwae.. i wonder where it would take me this time.. make me grow more negatively or positively.. hahaz.. but aniwae.. zhen de shi

mei jing yi zhan de nan zi hui yue bian yue qiang

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do

I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on

A new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers. In lonely hours. The tears devour you

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right here before you
All that you need will surely come

Out (Part 1)
gone out with cher today.. 1st came my hse to use computer.. den later go to cineleisure watch home on the range.. erm.. quite cute.. the story line was good too.. but the thing is it wasnt half as funny as shrek 2.. den later went to far east plaza and shop abit.. and eat abit.. den send her home.. den i come home alone.. tts the overview of today bahz.. haahz..

Out (Part 2)
abt mummy.. seriously i din wanna throw her away tt time.. who would wanna throw away someone u liked.. someone who meant lots to u at tt time... tts why i said.. tt kind of wu ke nai he de xing suan.. not everyone can understand bahz.. even when she scolded tt i have no life.. me oso wu hua ke shuo.. cos really very low and sad.. and no one to turn to.. really lifeless ba i guess..

Out (Part 3)
seriously wad m i to her.. and wad m i to mummy.. there is a big gap ba i guess.. how they show wad i m to them.. they showed it quite clearly w/o them noticing it bahz.. mummy wouldnt take the initiative to sms or call me.. but i know to her then i was quite a impt fren to her bahz.. she knows i care.. she knows i'd do anything for her.. from tt shang tong she took.. i knew.. 'bcos she cared, tts why she's sad'

Out (Part 4)
to her.. i know i m not juz a usual fren..from the tears she shed.. i know.. but wad m i to her i seriously dunno.. but everyone seems juz so v.impt to her.. her 'v.impt' is juz like erm.. ranked down abit bahz.. to juz purely 'impt' etc.. juz an example.. this may not be true bahz.. and hopefully is i think too much le.. yahz.. but ta ren tai hao le.. alot of things she oso din mind.. even to those extend beyond some of ur imagination.. (not tt kind.. pls..) jiu shi ren tai hao le.. sometimes make me think i m juz a normal person.. i m no big deal bahz.. hahaz..

Wo Xiang Tai Duo Le Ba...

Empty
an empty day.. finishing up slamdunk vcd and playing d2.. empty.. really empty..

Tired
today i was 'promoted' to 2nd chef.. i mean i insisted in working inside the kitchen.. so i had a chance.. i alwaz tot it was ez.. but it wasnt.. lawrence was alwaz there to stress me.. a little bit of mistake he would make a big fuss.. and i wasnt too used.. or perhaps i was juz useless? hahaz.. my left wrist ached.. cos we use our left hand for carrying the pan and for tossing the pasta.. sort of dehydrated..

Tml
tml would be cher's big day bahz.. i mean.. tml she going back for sch 1st time after a year's rest or sth? hahaz.. wad m i worrying abt.. hahaz.. i m not too sure..

Somehow
somehow i feel tt me and her would be something like me and mummy.. hahaz.. i had to make mummy so upset the other time.. hahaz.. no choice arhx.. for the best of us.. i guess i would have to do it again.. hahahaz.. 'throw' her away like wad i did to mummy.. =p

Throw
Whatever u lost.. somehow or another u would have a chance of recovering it.. but if u threw tt thing away.. u'll nvr find it back again..

Wee San
juz now was looking at liren's blog.. saw the link to her npcc outing photos.. so i took a look.. actually more to look out on weesan bahz.. i mean.. i dun really like her now.. but at least.. take a look to see hows she lately bahz.. hair longer le.. still the same old features.. nth much.. perhaps in the 1st place we werent made for each other.. hahaz.. hao mian qiang orh..

*I've forgotten whats love, hate, regret, fear, sadness, happiness. Cos' I'm already dead.*

Timeless Agony
uh.. ya.. to mummy's reply in the shoutbox.. it is different.. gals alwaz want ppl to wait for them for years.. they think tt this is the guy who loves them most.. but.. it can be very cruel..

Me
ppl alwaz tell me tt.. i would be a good bf.. my relationships will last very long.. my gf will get lots of happiness.. hahaz.. i dunno.. all i know tt bu hao hao zhen xi jy de hua.. he wouldnt be there for very long bahz.. his desire for love has gone into a state of desperation le bahz.. all he hopes is to love, and to be loved.. tts it.. not many can understand this kind of xing suan bahz.. hahaz....

Sorry
sorry orh ppl.. everytime my blog is sth abt cherlyne.. hahaz.. dunno lar.. tts the main part of my life now.. well.. when the sch reopens i promise u more of my sch life k.. hahaz...

Last Day
aniwae.. today is cher's last day at work.. ya.. no choice.. she's going back to sch.. gan jue.. very low morale bahz.. i mean.. there is no promises of tt i would see her anymore.. except we're meeting up on this fri.. tts it le.. and somemore not confirmed yet..

Mummy & Vinz
wad u both said was not wrong.. but..
mummy.. wad u said might be wad a girl wants bahz.. ur thinking and cher's thinking is the same.. if u really love a person.. u could love him silently all the years w/o him knowing it..but u said le.. tts kaoru.. tts a girl.. lets say few mths ago.. i din let u go.. would u be happy for me? i dunno.. i onli know i wouldnt be happy...
Vinz.. wad u said might be wad a guy wants bahz.. chnging a target when the gal doesnt gets interested.. wad for wait for her if she doesnt promise u of any happiness? u could be happily with another person instead of quietly waiting.. but wad if the wait if worth it? if sche wanted u to wait for a year or two.. will u? i dunno.. i onli know u might..

Now
wad i know now.. is i m walking btw ur two's idea.. weesan already made me wait for a year.. tts enough.. i dun think i wanna wait for another gal for a year again bahz.. maybe in this society.. love exists.. but it isnt till the extent tt one is willing die for the other party.. for me.. of cos i m not willing to die for a gal.. 3 reasons..
1)my parents count on me..
2)afraid of death..
3)i will not be able to love u after i die..

Letting Go
aniwae she's leaving my life.. leaving work.. and sch reopening..
more fren, more guys and less jiayong.. hahaz.. very pessimistic bahz.. hahaz
i hold your hands, cos im afraid u will leave me
i stick close to u, cos i wanna feel u close to me
i tickle ur chin, cos i wan u to be happy with me
i squeeze ur cheeks, cos i care abt u
i do all that, cos i like u

Guilty
3 am.. still cant slp.. feeling so guilty.. i shot her the qn the 3rd time juz now.. i mean ya.. her temper is good.. she has been very patient towards me.. she doesnt get angry.. and unknowingly.. i've been playing my luck on tt.. and i din really realise.. until her sms.. 'oh.. why ask again le' den i suddenly realise.. wad a bother.. i dun really wish to press u anymore le.. feeling so bad..

5am
hi diary.. i m back to u.. u are alwaz the last resort.. hahaz.. its 5am.. juz finished talking to cher.. it actually isnt finished.. i chased her to bed.. cos i need a few moments of silence.. juz now.. she asked a very gd qn..
wads the diff btw like and love? i couldnt ans.. cos my answer sounded so lame.. we've been like this for quite long.. today karen asked me.. so hows it btw u and her? i said.. juz like tt.. nth much.. she said.. 'why.. so long already'.. meaning 'u haven shot the qn?' well.. i could say i did.. and i did it like a machine gun.. keep shooting.. hahaz.. u know wad, diary.. she din accept me cos she din like me as a boy 'friend' in the 1st place.. n i know this is where we will stay forever.. imagine.. she said 'up to u lo' to another guy's qn b4.. but to mine.. she din accept.. neither did she reject.. but i know ultimately she will reject me forever.. and i knew the reason.. it slipped her mouth without her knowing it.. she's juz afraid tt it might upset me..
Definition of Love
she gave me a great deal on her definition of love.. i do understand it clearly.. and i dun think its wrong.. in fact.. i find it quite true.. 'if u really love a person tt much, u can keep on loving her quietly even if she has a bf.. its a happiness as well..'
Tiring
tt definition of hers made me very tired.. no.. i dun mean its wrong, i m sick of wad she said or wad.. no.. cos actually tt definition of hers actually put words into my mouth..
Right
y? cos i just wan to let go of those sad experiences.. i yearn to find someone who loves me and me love her in return.. wad is a small wish for a little happiness? why cant i own tt BIT of happiness.. is there something wrong with me? i mean yes.. mummy tells me i m a good boy.. liren tells me i m one too.. gavin says tt too.. and.. now wad? i m not desperate.. but.. wad.. i cant answer u wad is happiness, wad is sweetness, wad is loving, wad is togetherness.. is moving on to another gal ,when the gal has a bf, called realistic? i dunno anymore.. i m so lost..
Jian Ao
i like this lyrics from the song.. Jian Ao..

Wo bu gai ai de tai zhong
rang ni wo ru ci nan guo
wei he wo ai de yi qie
mei you jie guo

I should not have loved u tt strongly
and cause unhappiness to us both
but why izzit tt all my feelings
has gone to waste?

Definition
If u asked me, whether i liked or loved u, in your own definition..

I love you

Shellen
while working today i saw shellen.. omg.. she's working at taka basement 2 as well.. the long xu tang.. i dunno how to say lar.. hahaz.. looks as gorgeous as ever..
Lawrence
i was cheated today.. lawrence asked me to come at 4.. so tt he could go at 4.. well. i agreed.. and he gave a big speech on tt it benefit me.. and guess wad? at 4 o clock he din punch his time card.. he asked ronnie (another part timer) to help him punch out at five.. wtf...

Tired
sometimes.. i feel so tired so saying i like u to u.. it has become so.. erm.. ma mu to tt phrase already.. well.. think i wun go ahead till u give me the signal to bahz..

Work
working was ok today.. i became the cashier.. well.. not tt tiring of cos..
Home
i dunno wad u are trying to say.. everything seems like a big lie..

If
If i had wings
i would fly over to see u
y?
cos yes, i miss u..

If i had the strength
i would protect u from all the harm
y?
cos yes, u mean so much to me..

If i had the time
i would spend every moment with u
y?
cos yes, i treasure u..

If i had the world
the last person i want is u
y?
cos no, u dun like me at all..

Work
work was abit tiring for me.. maybe something shocked me abit.. well.. tell u ppl the details.. so actually to eat at the pasta bar u actually had to order 1st b4 sitting down at the seats.. so usually we, the servers or better known as the runners have to chase those ppl out of their seats to get them order 1st b4 sitting.. some ppl understand and do move to the counter.. some ppl asks questions and the rest are idiots who flare up and dun eat at all.. ok.. get the idea? ok.. so here's wad happened..
Idiot
this idiot.. a guy.. sat down at one of the seat without ordering.. so he was sitting there.. and i told him tt he needed to order.. and he got abit speechless and he said sth i couldnt remember wad was it.. but he juz questioned my move.. and i was staring at him while speaking politely.. i dunno.. but maybe my stare could get abit scary.. hahaz.. so he sarcastically said.. okok.. relax.. and i cleared the plates nearby.. and he banged his stuff on the table.. i din watch him do so aniwae.. but i knew it was him.. so i threw the used metal fork and spoon into the plates and made a din too.. and he flared up.. i din watch him still.. and he went over to the cashier and god knows wad happened.. he was shouting.. after i cleared the plates i went to the cashier too.. boris was telling him to queue.. not long after i reached the cashier he left.. he shouted, 'fine! i m not eating!' fine for me too! hahaz..
Facts
after tt when i sent cher home.. cher told me tt he went to the cashier and asked for the boss.. and one of the boss, stanley, who finished his shift and was eating at a nearby table got scolded by him.. saying 'how could the boss be eating?!' and well.. everything was fine.. juz abit shaky after the incident..

Library
woke up at 12 plus.. not surprising again since i slpt at 4 again.. another 8 hrs of slp.. den go meet cherlyne.. den she went off.. make me sit at the library for.. erm.. 3 hrs? 2+ hrs of comics.. yeah..
Home
den later we came my hse.. she was using the scanner.. etc etc.. den send her home.. den etc etc.. den home i m.. the day seems so short.. hahaz..

Super Dulan
juz now i was slping till erm.. 7pm? .. den my mother wake me up to buy dinner.. i was awoken from my slumber.. but was still slpy head.. so din wanna respond to her.. i mean.. hello? father is lying down comfortably on the sofa.. mother is watching the tv.. and they have the cheek to wake a slping soul up to buy food?! i dunno whether i m right anot.. but do tell me who is right ok? (in the shoutbox of cos) so they had no choice but to call my sister who is outside to buy for them.. and my sis bought for them.. and she din buy my share.. ns.. really ns.. do tell me who is wrong ok? 9pm now.. and gosh.. i m so hungry..
Boredom
Sunday.. not working.. a sure boredom.. god-damn bored.. well.. luckily, 'i was clever' and played games till 6am (of cos i was doin something else till 4am) and couldnt wake up till 1pm... hahaz.. not really tt incredilble ba.. cos if u really count tts onli.. uhm.. 8hrs? yeah.. a normal person's slp.. hahaz..
Worrying
some probs have been troubling me.. nono.. not cherlyne anymore.. aniwae so glad we were back to normal (tts wad i think).. uhm.. actually its some problems i wouldnt wanna mention here.. cos it might affect another person and affect their mood too..
Vin & Vern
ehx.. u two huh.. long time no see le.. haha! i mean long time no gay le.. one go hols..another so busy over gf.. WHERE IS JY IN UR EYES HUH! hahaz.. ok lar.. serious.. find 2 3 days go vinz hse and ton k? play ps.. nono.. not play pang seh.. playstation.. frost nova? hahaz..
Mummy & Shi Jie
mummy.. thx for being there when i needed someone most.. hahaha~ yeah actually long time no see u le.. dunno how u become le.. oh yeah.. and wad abt Shi Jie? i dun think she knows my blog.. but mummy.. find sometime muz find liren and go out together k.. pang seh ce for one day lar.. =pPpPpP

Cry
the whole incident is almost behind me now.. juz tt.... a scene couldnt be gone.. when u cried.. i couldnt believe it.. i made u cry.. i cant forget the scene.. when tears started flowing.. u were wiping them away with ur fingers.. eyes i made u cry for something tt isnt true.. but it isnt tt i know.. a misplaced trust.. someone u trusted said something bad abt u..

Xiang Hui Dao Guo Qu
Shi Zhe Rang Gu Shi Ji Xu
Zhi Shao Bu Zai Rang Ni Li Wo Er Qu
Fen San Shi Jian De Zhu Yi
Zhe Ci Hui Bao De Geng Jing
Zhe Yang Wan Liu Bu Zhi Hai Lai Bu Lai De Ji
Xiang Hui Dao Guo Qu

How I wished, to go back to the past
And let our story continue
At least in this way, u wouldnt leave me
Distracting the attention of the time
I would hold u even tighter this time
Wondering if this should help
How i wished, to go back to the past

How i wished
How i wished,
u'd take the initiative to call me,
sms me,
smile at me,
let me send u home
All my wishful thinking..

Bastard
hi and hello all! this is mr bastard spking.. hahahahahha! bastard tan.. hahaha~ i dun wan to go into details.. and guess wad? I WROTE TT CHERLYNE LOOKED LIKE A GORILLA IN MY PAST BLOGS! hahahahahahahaha! i made her cry! hahahahhahahaha! JY U SUCKS!!!! hahahahaha! JIAYONG01.BLOGSPOT SUX!!!!!!!!! wAHHAHAHHAHAH!
Cherlyne
To:Cherlyne
i dun wanna use the word sorry.. a sorry wouldnt heal your wounds.. i m not trustable.. or rather.. i m not worthy or your trust.. now i m starting to be able to put everything into pieces.. i cant say i din mean to hurt u.. cos the part was purely something i wrote and din even think back abt it.. i cant say i din mean to stare at u tt way.. but u were starting to make me worry.. is this the end.. no.. i dun wan to.. i dun wan to end this way..

Jiayong
To: Jiayong
stop makin excuses for urself.. u know wads done is done.. u are a loser.. following the carine incident here comes a cherlyne incident.. this is bad.. u are not a man.. carine was down right correct..

Handphone
the departure of the 6600 meant a new part of my life.. and getting it back meant the end.. choose btw a 6600 and u as a fren.. i'd rather want u more..

Love
i love this from liren's blog.. somewhat it sounded so close to me.. even b4 this incident..


nobody said it was easy, its such a shame for us to part

Diary
Dear Diary,
i couldnt slp well last nite.. i m so miserable.. i dunno who to turn to.. i mean the frens around me are nice.. but i wouldnt wan to bother them abt this.. u know, last nite i had a quarrel with cherlyne over sms.. or is it a quarrel.. i dont know anymore.. she is upset.. and so m i.. she wouldnt tell me why she is upset, wouldnt take my calls.. and the silliest man could tell tt this has something to do with me.. i dunno wad izzit all abt exactly.. but i m sure i m miserable.. i m not kenshin.. i cant read minds.. and if she is out to make me miserable.. congrats.. she has done it..
Gavin
last nite gavin told me he deleted his blog cos he tot there was too much on love.. hmm.. wad is be written in a blog shld be the most impt things tt happened in ur life tt day bahz.. or wad u think or feel..


But gosh, i m still so miserable..

Jinrui
went out with jr this afternn.. expected to play mahjong at his gf hse.. but bryan was sick and pz gone out.. so we went to s11 and eat and den lan games den go his house.. den pz came to meet us.. den go pz hse.. den eat and watch tv.. den back home..
Drink
i wanted to drink.. but was drinking alone.. jr din wan to..
he asked.. wads the feeling of drinking?
i said.. if u are high den u will feel higher.. if low den feel even lower..
he asked.. so wads ur feeling now?
i said medium..
of cos, tt was cheating.. i feel super-low... low low low low low..
who could understand the weak and rotten heart i have now? hahaz..
Girlfriends
jr was complaining of pz to me on the bus.. yeah.. perhaps pz was 'bu dong shi'.. and he said something negative abt pz.. think better dun say.. in case pz got to know this webby.. aniwae.. i was thinking.. so nice to have a gf already.. and yet still complaining.. hahaz.. how i admire him.. having such a loving gf.. who would follow him anywhere. even when we were juz waiting for a bus..
Wish
i juz wish for a gf who juz loves me, and i love of cos.. i mean i have repeated this many times.. i m not a despo.. but sometimes i ask.. why izzit tt long.. ppl keep telling me.. the time isnt up.. but when will tt be? or will it ever come..
Mother
aniwae when i reach home.. the long-time-no-see mother asked me in for a lecture.. saying how impt money is, studies is.. etc etc.. how i wish i was drunk.. slp on the bed.. slp to my death..
Mummy
was sms-ing with mummy juz now.. though she seemed bz.. she made me feel abit better.. but couldnt cure me..i m starting to doubt.. m i tt bad? i m doubtful abt myself.. my qualities.. my everything.. someone juz say something nice abt me? hahahaha! i guess u can come up with none.. otherwise it muz be a lie.. and hi carine.. maybe u'd love this.. and 1st time i'd agree with u..
JIAYONG SUX! muahhahahhahhahhhahha!

back from work.. sitting at the computer.. worked 12-10 today.. so tired.. tired? not really tt tired.. i had one simple day.. it wasnt really tt tiring.. wad made me tired was looking at her.. mummy.. sounds like the loser sonny tt u knew 6 mths ago? hahahz.. no seriously.. both times it really made me felt so tired.. i know ppl will bomb me for being such a loser.. mummy din u think so too den? but u were not the one.. i feel so.. lifeless.. maybe u ppl out there wun understand this xin suan..

History
Sec1 - Sec2
i liked someone.. but din really woo her.. i bought her sweets.. 'try' to make her happy.. if she's happy.. i would be too..
Sec2 to Sec3
i liked someone again.. but this time i liked her more.. more i was very childish tt time.. i made her dislike me rather than like me.. haha! but i din woo her aniwae..
Sec3 to Poly 1
haha.. tts mummy.. din really woo her too.. but the outings and the chats really made me happy.. and now she's down and settled with her bf who simply LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEES her.. hahaz..
Sec4 end to Poly 1
in btw i liked another gal who was younger than me by 1 years old.. this time i wooed her.. she 'liked' me.. i shot the qn.. and she wanted me to wait till her o's finish.. i did.. and she gave me cold shoulders.. hahaz..
Poly1-Now
cher of cos.. i wooed her.. and landed in this state... hahahhaha! i shot her the qn too.. and guess wad? she said.. i dun feel like having a bf now.. hahahahaha! and to ppl who really knows me.. my hahahaha isnt alwaz happy.. sometimes.. its pure sadness and 'wu nai'..

Reflections
why m i alwaz so lucky.. to alwaz find myself liking ppl who arent looking for a bf.. m i tt bad? poor? lousy? unlucky? stupid? silly? childish? naive? seriously i m not too sure anymore..

the end
everything has ended.. juz as i tot it was going well.. i m so tired now.. feeling the aftermath.. i m juz one loser.. one big loser.. i'm so tired.. seriously.. i could slp my way to death.. forget it.. i'm tired..

Past
yeah sorry peeps din update myself on the last few days.. aniwae last few days were working.. den i guess u ppl wouldnt be interested in wad ms tan and boris lar.. hahaz.. so might as well save tt.. tts why din blog for the past few days..

today
yeah aniwae today i was working from 12-5.. den went down to city hall to meet cherlyne for a concert.. supposed to have 4 of us.. me, cher and 2 of her frens. but in the end 2 din turn up.. left us two.. aniwae the st. patrick sch band was terrific.. ppl asking for encore.. haha~ worth tt 15 bucks..

mummy
aniwae i was caught by mummy.. haha! she happened to be in city hall mrt station too.. haha~ so qiao ma.. everytime we go out we seem to bump into someone i know.. haha!